The Fear of change

Now this part will probably be very messy as im sitting here with a nice red wine, and the last week has been abit average, anyway...
So time was passing by, it seemed to go by so fast, Karyn and I had come along way, we were both commited to each other, and had a deep connection, we were living out some dream of finding our soulmates. We watched as people around us were getting engaged, we laughed at some, it just didnt seem right, as time went on we were spoton with our predictions of some of them, we both thought 'we're better than them, maybe we should egt married....and we did, after 18mths of being together, we decided to do it, we waited a month and a day, and we had a nice garden wedding at my parents house, the reception was at Karyns mums, life seemed to be working out great. At the time we both were against the idea of having children, for various reasons, but deep down I knew one day that would probably change, having kids is the desire of most females I think, eventually the subject came up, she wanted kids, through my own fear of something going wrong, I fought the idea for quite awhile, I wasnt really against the idea, more it was a fear of something going wrong, either with Karyn or the child, I didnt want to loose her, eventually it came down to us having kids or she would leave me, it was never put that way to me, but I knew thats what she felt. I gave in, she was the person I most loved in the world and I was willing to do anything to keep that. Things started rough, she lost the first baby at 11 weeks-from memory-this wasnt the best sign for me, second time round things were better, we had a beautiful boy, we named him Jaiden, after less than a year, we were ready to have another, I wanted my girl, eventually we had her, Aurora, my little girl. Having kids wasnt as bad as I had thought, we had some minor problems along the way, mostly related to spewing and lack of sleep, but really, we ended up with great kids, when I see other peoples kids these days, im very happy with ours. Deep down I always knew that kids would change Karyn, before having kids her main focus was me, and I loved it, she would write me letters, we'd sit and talk for hours....when we had kids there was a need to care for them, it seemed to take up so much time, there seemed to be little time for us, I felt like I had lost her, I was being selfish, I wanted her all to myself. It felt like she was more distant as time went by, I was lost, she told me to find what I needed elsewhere, whatever she wasnt offering, to me this wasnt a good thing, it felt like she just didnt care, or didnt want to deal with it. She could see that things were getting to me though, so after working for many years, I became the at home parent and she returned to work, it seemed to work, I was happy, money was good, everything at home was good, things were looking up. Jaiden had started kindy, by the time he had started grade 1, things seemed odd with me and Karyn, we didnt talk as much, from my point of view she seemed distant, and thats all it was, my point of view, I didnt even consider what she was thinking or feeling, it was just me thinking about myself, the cracks were showing...something was going to give...then someone came into my life, little did I know what it was to cause...